Flash back to September....
Wow so many changes taking place these days. My world has been rocked and rocked hard! It's funny how things can change in just a blink of an eye. One day you are a shop owner of a cute vintage/sewing boutique and then next minute you find yourself sleeping in till noon and then drinking your day away with cups of four barrel coffee in your sunny lit room, wishing you could go back to the way things were before everything happened. And then coming to terms with the fact that everything is in its divine order. That magic "A" word. Acceptance. So powerful and so true. And yet you have to go thru all the motions to get to that magic word though. You have to really feel into it like its really apart of you. Not just a concept in your mind.
I went from being the happiest girl alive, getting clearer with my creative visions. Seeing an astrologist who helped me to see in my chart that it was time to start shedding layers that didn't serve me anymore. Taking the ultimate leap of faith to embark on getting really serious with my fashion design desires and schooling by letting go of the shop that had brought me such joy and connectedness and a sense of belonging to my quaint little town. And then deciding it was time after 2 years to start a new project and shut that door so a new one could open. And then having the door slammed on your face was certainly not what this girl was expecting. But so it goes, we learn from the hardest things in life sometimes, and for sure this will be one of them.
But I wont stand for this unexpected turn to break me down or suck the creative life out of this girl. I can't let that happen. I let my mind drift into isolation this past week. Spending my birthday alone. Trying to find some calm after the storm. Going to the place of sadness, feeling alone, and bummed that things had to be so difficult. I thought I could sit in my pajamas forever and feel numb to my life. Forget about my dreams and wither away into dust. But that was just the lower part of me. My soul wouldn't let that be. And so I realized after a pretty hard week that wearing the depressed hat just doesn't work for me. Cuz the truth is, I'm too tough for that. I'm too much light to stay in darkness for very long. But I'm glad I went there. And realized it's not for me. This girl has too many plans. Too many desires to let this misfortune take me down.
Although I need to stay private about my misfortune, I know one day I'll be able to speak of my experience a little more publicly. Maybe when laws have changed. And then I can talk about how I was part of a bigger movement out there. Fighting for a right we should all have. And then maybe I will be looked at as more of a hero then the bad guy. Maybe one day. Just maybe.
But for now, I have to take this experience and really LEARN from it. And then grow. Grow like the morning glory vines that seem to stretch out so far. I'm eager now. Eager to change and be different. To step out onto new turf, a little more wise, and certainly more empowered.
I'm looking to change the scenery a bit. A few things are on hold right now and rather than be resentful about it, I'm choosing to look at the brighter side of it all. This is EXACTLY what I need. It's kinda rare in life when everything gets put on pause, so you can really just take a break from life, the responsibilities and your duties and just well, Relax! Not something I'm very used to doing being the busy bee that I usually am. Which is why this has been so difficult for me. But I want to treat it like a gift from the universe. A time that I really want to cherish. Because these moments are rare indeed. What perfect timing too. Summer is winding down and fall is right at my doorstep.
From a great song by an amazing singer Ayla Nereo
"I feel the winds of the west out breath
Letting go of my leaves
all I do not need
Into the darkness
of the fall sunset
for the silence...."
|I pulled this tarot card, how fitting at the time|